Day 19

Daily Practice

1 hour +
I worked through the Daily Vocalizations CD for about 30 mins.  Then I went to performance class and massacred Defying Gravity, but I'm not going to dwell on it... stand up, dust myself off, and jump back on the horse.  I'll be back in performance class tomorrow. :) Afterwards I went home and practiced Falling for You, the song I want to sing for my demo.  I finished out the day with my third private lesson with Kurt.  He helped me work on my mixed voice and "wicked witch" cry to clean up Defying Gravity and make it sound more theatrical and less classical.

Healthy Meals 32 and 33

Breakfast- apple cinnamon oatmeal





 Dinner- salad: romaine lettuce, ground turkey, shredded cheese, poppyseed dressing




Charitable Deed 2

So here's the outside of the school!

Couldn't take pictures of the kids...

Yesterday I went to PS 76 as a New York Cares volunteer.  A group of 5 volunteers met with about 20 4th and 5th graders from 8:00am- 8:40am, before their school day started.  Our purpose was to play math games with the students-- creating a fun environment to help them strengthen their math skills while having a good time.  We started as a whole group playing "Buzz" with the numbers 3 and 5.  If you've never played "Buzz" before, you should!  Basically you go around in the circle counting in order starting with 1, 2, 3, and so on, but when you get to a number that is a multiple of 3 or 5, or has  a 3 or 5 in it, you say "buzz".  If you mess up, you are out and have to sit down.  (Believe it or not, I actually played this game just a month ago while on Spring Break in Cancun.  Yes my friends and I are dorks, and we got ridiculously excited in the middle of a hotel bar when we got all the way to 150.) After playing as a large group, we broke into smaller groups and played with math flash cards and board games.  It was hard to keep the students focused; some of them acted like they didn't want to be playing, but it was always exciting when they would get an answer right, and their faces would light up when we praised them.  Fun times.  I love that this program exists because having been a high school teacher, I've seen first hand that if students don't fall in love with math at an early age, they face an uphill battle for many years to come. 

Day 18

Sorry I have to be quick tonight... lots to do and need to go to bed early!

Daily Practice
1 hour
I went to Kurt's Voice Tech class today.  We worked on Rolling in the Deep by Adele.  At the beginning of class, Kurt talked about not pulling too hard on the lip trills.  He even stopped and demonstrated how quiet and soft our voices should be.  I realized that I have been way too forceful, and it's part of why my throat is always hurting.  The same realization occurred as we practiced the song today.  He talked about how we start to strain so much once we add consonants to our singing.  Instead our jaws should feel like mush or like we just came from the dentist.  I started doing that today, and everything changed!  I know I had heard this a ton of times, and I always thought I was doing it, but I obviously wasn't.   Now I need to go back and re-train myself in all the songs that I like to sing.  I started doing it today after class, and I had to stop at every other line-- recognizing what I've been doing and how it should feel now with the proper placement. 

Healthy Meals 30 and 31

 Lunch: Salad-- ground turkey, corn salsa, romaine lettuce, poppyseed dressing


Dinner: Wrap-- spinach tortilla, chicken breast, romaine lettuce, shredded cheese




Dance Class 10
Style: Ballet
Instructor: Goheen

Day 17

Daily Practice
Approx. 2 hours
I warmed up to Kurt's DC for about 20 minutes.  My throat was pulling on the lip trills and left me sore for the rest of the warm up.  I have to figure out what I'm doing wrong!  I also practiced with my praise and worship band for an hour and a half. 

Healthy Meal 28 and 29
Breakfast- Kashi cereal
Lunch- Leafy green salad, 1/2 chicken breast, sweet cherries







Dance Class 9

Finally stepped out of my Goheen ballet bubble, and got my butt kicked by Stavro.  :)  It actually wasn't that bad, I just need to go a few more times to get used to her patterns.  One thing I loved about her center combinations were that they were rather dynamic and left a lot of room for working on expression throughout the body.  In other words, it wasn't just a tendu exercise, then a pirouette exercise, then a developpe exercise; instead, it combined several of those elements at once-- more similar to what you would see in a staged performance.

Day 16

Daily Practice
2 hours
I went to Bettina's tech class and then stayed for her performance class.  In performance class I worked on A Whole New World to get ready for my industry audition tomorrow.  I also performed the first verse of Defying Gravity for the first time. 

Notes: Bettina told me that my character for AWNW was too "sweet".  Although it's a pretty song, I need to find a way to fight against the sweetness of the piano and bring a more exciting character to the performance.  When I did DG, she said she saw more of that aggressive character that she was looking for, and she wants me to apply that to my first song. 

In class I sat next to a girl who was an incredible singer, and she said she just started getting formal training a week ago.  I told her that her mix voice was beautiful, and I couldn't believe she didn't have any training.  She said that she used to practice the "quack" sound every day, and she would even sing whole songs on the word "quack" to help her work on her mask resonance.

So to finish up my practice for the day, I came home and sang through several songs using the "meow" sound and then switching to the words and still exaggerating the cheekbone placement.  I'm trying to add more songs to my practice circle, so I started playing with Hopelessly Devoted, You Can't Hurry Love, and Save the Best for Last.

Healthy Meal 27

 Tuna salad







Charitable Deed 1

After recently retiring from my 8-month stint with waiting tables, I woke up at 4:30am this morning to return to the food service industry-- but this time with joy and excitement in my heart.  For many years, I've struggled with a desire to serve people who are homeless and hungry, but always having a different excuse for not getting involved.  Today was a first step as I went to St. Bartholomew's Church to serve a warm breakfast to anyone who chose to come.  What I loved about the church was that they had us set up 36 place settings, and allowed men and women to come in and sit for as long as they wanted.  Once someone left, a new person was welcomed in to have a seat.  No one was rushed, and seconds and thirds were given upon request.  Ladies walked around the room with carafes offering more apple juice and hot coffee, and as our guests left, they were encouraged to take baggies with tuna sandwiches and cereal bars with them for later in the day.  And if they wanted extra sandwiches, all they had to do was ask.  I couldn't get over how laissez-faire the whole process seemed to be.  I suppose I was expecting people to be herded through a line and scolded for asking for more than their fair share-- as if they should simply be grateful that we were doing this great service for them... but perhaps I was projecting those expectations from the darkness in my heart... 

I just couldn't understand how everyone was going to be served endlessly without us running out of food, but to my great surprise, we had leftovers by the end of the meal, and we were trying to give extra food away!  And as always is the case in these situations, I walked away humbled and enlightened... 


Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here."  [Jesus] replied, "You give them something to eat."  They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish." (About five thousand men were there.)  But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each."  The disciples did so, and everybody sat down.  Taking the five loaves and two fish and looking up to the heaven, he gave thanks and broke them.  Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people.  They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.  Luke 9:12-17

Day 15

Daily Practice
30 mins
I warmed up to some recordings of Misa's tech class and also a warm up CD by Ellen Johnson.  I also practiced "Someone Like You" for the audition I had this afternoon.


Week 2 Challenge Stats- HALFWAY POINT!
Vocal Practice Sessions- 15/30
Private Voice Lessons- 2/4
Coaching Sessions- 0/2
Live Vocal Performance- 0/1
Live Professional Performance- 0/1
Live NYC Audition- 0/1
You Tube Demo Recording- 0/1
BDC Dance Classes- 8/20
Healthy Meals- 26/25
Charitable Deeds- 0/5
Daily Blogs- 15/30

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On the 6
In E! True Hollywood's Story of Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer talks about her fight to the top-- growing up in the Bronx and riding the 6 train to Manhattan every day to go to auditions.  Insert: Don't be fooled by the rocks that she's got, she's still, she's still Jenny from the block. Well today I rode the 6- from Manhattan to the Bronx, transferred to a local bus, and then walked half a mile in the rain.  My hope was that this treacherous journey would be part of my beautiful 'fight to the top' story.  So after 1.5 hours of transit, I was ready for my very first singing audition.

To set the scene, I was asked to sing on a stage in front of the auditioning panel and in front of the other candidates auditioning.  Oh ya, and I had to sing a cappella.  Ohhhh ya, and I was videotaped.  Awesome.

Needless to say, I was ridiculously nervous and my voice was really shaky.  After I finished, the director said that I was really good, but he wanted me to sing again.  He told me to take a deep breath, ignore the video camera, and just try to relax.  So I took a few deep breaths and started again, this time just from the chorus.  No dice.  Just more tremors and trembles.  Soooooo frustrating!

Anyways, I went back to my seat, teared up a little bit (being careful not to let anyone see and more importantly not to ruin my audition makeup), and I secretly swore off all singing and dancing for the rest of my life.  I decided that my years of training equipped me to appreciate the art and be the number one fan of all things musical and movement based, but I never again wanted to feel the way I was feeling in that moment-- embarrassed, crushed, and devastated.  I was tempted to pack up my stuff and go home, but I didn't want to be a 'quitter'.  I know, I know, the irony of it all.  So I stuck it out, and we did a hip hop routine to the Beib's-- obviously someone in that room knew the secret to my broken heart.  They also had us perform a jazz routine, freestyle, and tricks across the floor.  I was definitely more in my element, and overall I was pleased with my dance performance.

Here were observations and takeaways from the day:
1.  I'm really dramatic.
2.  Now, where I am at this stage in my life, I'm realizing that this fight has become less about 'making it' and more about conquering the fear.  I could go to 50 auditions, back-to-back, not be selected for a single show, and be completely content... if I knew that I did my best.  The problem is, I never feel like I've given my best performance at audition.  No one has ever heard or seen the real me perform; it's always the fear-ridden me.  I don't want that to be my story.  So that's what I'm fighting for in my final months in NYC- the ability to share my training, and passion, and artistry without being overshadowed by the dark clouds of insecurity.   
3. Which leads me to my final lesson of the day.  I have to stop waiting for others to believe in me; I have to believe in myself first.  Today when the choreographers had us do technique across the floor, I tensed up for a second, then I realized I was totally fine-- I did a double pirouette into an axle into a grand jete.  In the jazz dance, we had to do a triple outside coupe turn, a hinged fan kick, and a tilt kick.  At one point in my dance training, those things were all foreign and 'impossible' to me, but today it actually calmed me because I knew it was there.  By 'there' I mean, it was in my body; I didn't have to think about, it was just muscle memory.  My body knew when to plie, when to spot, how much momentum to give, where to place my hands-- it just happened.  I was able to stop thinking, and just trust.  It's like when I went back to Texas after not driving a car for 4 months, for a second I wondered if I was still going to know how to drive, but once I started the car, I realized how silly that notion was-- of course I remembered how to drive!  So now I have to learn those same muscles with my voice.  I'm sure that one day I will be able to get to a point where the technique is all there, and I just have to access it.  And when I'm nervous, it won't matter because I'll feel confident in my training, and I'll trust my body to just do.  But as I work towards that point, I have to believe in what I already have.  I can't keep approaching every singing situation with timidity, waiting for reassurance, and then continuing on.  If I keep building those patterns, I will always end up in a state of failure-- where my first pass at a performance, I'm shaky and nervous waiting for someone to affirm me before I can really give it my all.  Furthermore the art of it all is lost, as the performance becomes more about the approval than about the expression, and that, more than anything, is the tragedy.

So with that, I'm re-committed and re-inspired to take on Week 3-- more tech classes, more performance classes, more private lessons, more practice sessions, more auditions-- bring it on.

Where there is fear, there is not true art, and where there is true art, you will find no fear.

Day 14

Daily Practice
30 mins
I took it easy today.  My throat still feels irritated, so I just warmed up to the practice CD.  I'm going to stick to the basics this weekend, and not work too much on songs so I can get my voice back to a healthy spot.

Healthy Meal 26

Chicken salad from Carve- topped with pico de gallo, black bean salsa, corn, and honey mustard.









Dance Class 8

Another Jazz/Funk class with Chio.  It wasn't my best performance, but I hung in there.  I'm just so tired.  :(

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It's almost the halfway point of this competition, and there's still SO MUCH to do.  I don't feel ready for all of the things I need to pull off by the end of this month.  When I get overwhelmed, I usually just shut down and retreat, but I'm trying a different approach.  I'm just going to keep going-- attacking everything head on.  So first my music binder:

Before

After

I finally organized my sheet music into a binder that I will take with me on auditions.  Apparently it's really unprofessional to pull out a stack of tattered papers from your gym bag and hand them to the accompanist.  :)

Yes, it's alphabetized!

 
I also went to Colony Music and wandered around in a daze for over an hour-- there are so many genres, and songs, and artists-- I didn't know where to start.  All the auditions ask for a pop/rock song, and I only have ballads, so I bought The 16-Bar Pop/Rock Audition book.  I'll try to focus on one or two of those this week in my private lesson and coaching session.
 

This was just one aisle of about 6!

Still no words of inspiration.  Feeling drained and uninspired, but 'this too shall pass'. 

Day 13

Daily Practice
45 minutes
I warmed up to Kurt's CD for about 20 minutes, then I went to Vocal Performance class which was subbed my CJ Tyson.  It was a great class.  He had me focus on my character so much that one of the times I performed, I wasn't even nervous-- there was no shaking in my voice and I hit all of my notes because I stopped thinking about the singing, and I was thinking about the story.  Very cool. 

Healthy Meal 25!!!!
Yay, I can cross one of the requirements off the list.  I wanted to make #25 a really fancy meal, but alas it's just another veggie wrap-- womp, womp.

 

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Vocal Boot Camp finally caught up to me today.  After having such I rough performance earlier in the week, I resolved to take a ton of classes this week, which had me running all over the city to different studios with different teachers.  That mixed in with dance classes, meetings, and my other job-- I would come home at the end of the day and just have time to blog and go to bed.  Well today it all hit me, and I couldn't get out of bed.  I skipped my ballet class that I love, and I didn't even make it to Voice Tech before Performance class-- I just needed to rest, physically and mentally.  I tried to write down a to-do list of the things I need to get done, and I started getting overwhelmed, so I went out for a walk to run a few errands and hopefully get some energy.  I was able to purchase the items I needed to finally start my music book!  That's exciting because it makes me legit.  :) I also picked up a Backstage to see what auditions I should go on, and I got overwhelmed again.  When it lists off what you should bring and be prepared for, I start feeling the anxiety as if I'm already at the day of the audition waiting in the hallway.  Looks like next week will be Audition Boot Camp-- just have to start going and get over the nerves.  Anyways, I'm all around exhausted, so hopefully I can find some rejuvenation over the weekend!