"BDC and Creative Director Kurt Robinson challenge you to a rigorous thirty days of activities to transform your voice, body, and soul – join us May 1st to embark on a journey to release your inner triple threat. Whether you're a dancer hoping to develop your singing chops or an established singer wanting to take your work to the next level and expand your dancing prowess, this powerful program will provide the structure to support your success."
Yes that's right Day 1, not Day 30. Thirty in some way signifies finality, and (I'm pretty sure you know where this is heading)... I refuse to look at this as the end of a challenge, but instead the beginning of an even greater challenge.
Healthy Meals 48, 49, and 50
Breakfast- Quaker cinnamon oatmeal
Lunch- All Fruit Smoothie (blueberries, bananas, strawberries, mangoes, and peaches)
Dinner- Southwest Salad from Lime Jungle (mixed greens, grilled chicken, corn, black beans, tomatoes, and carrots)
Daily Practice
Time: 1 hr +
Songs: When I Fall in Love and I Hope You Dance
I started the morning with vocalizations in my room, using the Full-Voice CD. Later in the afternoon, I met with Kurt for an additional private lesson. His biggest note to me is that I need to find the balance between continuing to practice and improve me technique, and actually starting to sing and perform-- which is the exact revelation I had earlier this week. Especially after watching several fantastic open mics and live performances this week, I've been starting to reflect on what moves me as an audience member. I've been picking up on the difference between people who are very technical with their approach versus those who are more emotional with their approach. Obviously, we're all striving for the best of both worlds, but in my eyes, the one with emotion and intention wins 9 times out of 10-- even if their technique is not perfect. We don't love performances because someone shows off their technique; we love performances because we connect to the story in some way or form. Right now, I'm not telling stories, I'm just singing notes. So as I transition out of this 30-day Challenge into my Every-day Challenge, I'm going to start pushing myself to take risks and "just go for it" as Kurt would say.
Dance Classes 19 and 20
Instructors: Goheen and Jill (subbing for Salsberg)
Type: Ballet and Tap Today I took my FIRST tap class in 12 years! It was really fun, and I was surprised how much of it came back to me so quickly. I didn't realize how physically demanding tap is. You think it should be easy because people are just moving their feet, but I was drenched with sweat. I also took ballet with the wonderful Beth Goheen. She always has great words of wisdom: today she told us to "always dance from your center". We often hear this term meaning, using your core or abdominal support to engage all of your movement. She touched on that concept, but she also revealed a dual meaning to the word to discuss the idea of dancing from within. Again we come back to this idea of story-telling. All of your movement should be an outward expression of something from inside of you, not just a string of shapes that you force upon your body.
Final Week Challenge Stats Private Voice Lessons- 4/4 Coaching Sessions- 2/2 Live Vocal Performance- 1/1 NYC Industry Audition- 1/1 You Tube Demo Recording- 1/1 Charitable Deeds- 5/5 Healthy Meals- 25/25(Personal Goal 50/50) Live Professional Performance- 1/1 Vocal Practice Sessions- 30/30 Daily Blogs- 30/30 BDC Dance Classes- 20/20
Closing Reflection
So this theme of communicating from within keeps coming up, and it will be my focus during my next stage in training. Coming to NYC for a year has given me a tremendous opportunity to build my technical vocabulary in both singing and dancing. But moving forward, I want to start exploring my own 'voice' and style to figure out who I am and what I am wanting to share through my art. Thankfully through this challenge, I was pushed off the high diving board, so now I don't have to be held back by fear any longer, and I can just swim.
Without being cliche, this experience has truly challenged and transformed my mind, my body, and my soul. Thank you Kurt for organizing this-- although from the outside, it may just seem like a fun, exciting event; in reality, this has marked a major turning point in my life, and to that end, I am eternally grateful to you. More importantly, thank you for believing in me!
----
I came across this quote a few days ago, and I think it's the best summation of these past 30 days: And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -- Anais Nin
To all the artists out there, thank you and keep going.
Daily Practice
Time: 45 mins
Songs: Near You Always by Jewel and Captivate Us by Watermark
Description: Practiced the first 10 exercises on the warm-up, then did meow exercises from an old tech class. I didn't have as successful of a practice as I had a few days before. I really had to concentrate to not let things pull in my throat, so I was hesitant to take scales as high up as I normally do. I'll be working with Kurt tomorrow, I'm sure he'll help me get back on track.
I started working on some new songs-- moving away from the Broadway/auditioning circuit and finding things a little bit closer to my heart. Fellow challenger, Chanel, set a post-challenge goal of recording a demo once a month to keep her working on new material, and also to help her track her growth. I like that goal, so I'm going to steal it! :)
Dance Classes 16, 17, and 18
Instructors: Hillen, Chio, and Barber
Type: Ballet, Jazz Funk, and Lyrical Jazz
That's right, 3 classes, back-to-back-to-back. That's 4hrs and 30 mins of hardcore dancing! If you think about it, that's about how long some people take to run a marathon! Anyways, I worked it out in all 3 classes; it was a good dance day.
Both Hillen and Chio used the same choreography as earlier this week, so I got to work more on presence and performance-- that's always my challenge because I spend so much energy focusing on the steps. Barber's loves quick direction changes, so you have to stay focused otherwise you'll end up all wrapped around yourself and facing a different corner than everyone else. She's also great because her movement is really open and expressive-- you can't hold back in her class; you'll just look awkward. You have to let go and let your body move freely which is another struggle of mine, so this class is great for me.
Healthy Meals 46 and 47
Breakfast- Kashi cereal
Lunch- chicken and lettuce
---- Final Week Challenge Stats Private Voice Lessons- 4/4 Coaching Sessions- 2/2 Live Vocal Performance- 1/1 NYC Industry Audition- 1/1 You Tube Demo Recording- 1/1 Charitable Deeds- 5/5 Healthy Meals- 25/25 (Personal Goal 47/50) Live Professional Performance- 1/1
Vocal Practice Sessions- 29/30
Daily Blogs- 29/30
BDC Dance Classes- 18/20
I can't believe this all ends tomorrow... having mixed feelings.
I just came back from the Japan Benefit Concert, and I am drained of all emotions. I spent 60% of the show wiping the tears from my cheeks. I've always loved singing, and I have been moved by various performances in the past, but tonight was different. After spending the past 28 days, focused on little else than this challenge--warming up in my apartment, attending technique classes, facing my fears in performance classes, going to private lessons and coaching sessions, auditions and open mics-- I now have a much better understanding of the ridiculous amount of dedication, drive, and downright guts it takes to become a vocal performer. I've been honored to stand beside so many of you in recent classes and performances at BDC-- and even though we don't always talk to one another, I see how hard each of you is working to reach your dreams-- so it touched my heart even more to see so many of you center stage tonight. Whether your goal is to become a Broadway star, a recording artist, or anything in between, I'm sure the journey ahead sometimes seems long, uncertain, and terrifying, but for just a few minutes, I invite you to stand still in time, stop apologizing for what you are not, and take in the reality of what you already are. You are performers. You are artists. And you are inspirations to people like me. Thank you for sharing your talent with us tonight, and thank you for motivating me (and I'm sure many others) to keep working, keep dreaming, and keep evolving.
I think I was so emotional tonight because my time in NYC is almost up, and nights like this remind me of the passion and artistry that I don't believe exists in any other city, and I'm going to miss it desperately. If you have 2 minutes, please read this passage from one of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist. This passage planted a seed in me when I read it, and was a tremendous factor in my decision to leave my 5-year career as a high school English teacher in Texas to move to New York to reconnect with the arts. I hope it moves you the way it moved me:
An excerpt from Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist:
Thank you. Thank you and keep going. Please keep writing songs. Please keep believing in music, because we do, and we need it, and specifically, we need yours. We need the sounds and words and rhythms of hope and the haunting twist of your voice. We need the poetry of your lyrics and the spirit and force of your sounds. We're desperate for great music, and there's so much out there, but never, ever enough. We're desperate for great storytellers, great painters, great dancers, great cooks, because art does something nothing else does.
Art slips past our brains straight into our bellies. It weaves itself into our thoughts and feelings and the open spaces in our souls, and it allows us to live more and say more and feel more. Great art says the things we wished someone would say out loud, the things we wish we could say out loud. When Ryan from Sleeping at Last sings, that's how I would sing, except that I sound like a five-year-old with a head cold when I sing, so I'm so glad that he does the singing, and I do the listening. My friend Anne dances the way I would dance if I could. My friend Sarah creates paintings that make me feel alive and free and like the world is more beautiful than it was before I saw that very painting, and I'm so glad she does, because I sure can't, and because I'm better for having seen her paintings.
It matters, art does, so deeply. It's one of the noblest things, because it can make us better, and one of the scariest things, because it comes form such a deep place inside of us. There's nothing scarier than that moment when you sing the song for the very first time, for your roommate or your wife, or when you let someone see the painting, and there are a few very long silent moments when they haven't yet said what they think of it, and in those few moments, time stops and you quit painting, you quit singing forever, in your head, because it's so fearful and vulnerable, and then someone says, essentially, thank you and keep going, and your breath releases, and you take back everything you said in your head about never painting again, about never singing again, and at least for that moment, you feel like you did what you came to do, in a cosmic, very big sense.
I know that life is busy and hard, and that there's crushing pressure to just settle down and get a real job and khaki pants and a haircut. But don't. Please don't. Please keep believing that life can be better, brighter, broader, because of the art that you make. Please keep demonstrating the courage that it takes to swim upstream in a world that prefers putting away for retirement to putting pen to paper, that chooses practicality over poetry, that values you more for going to the gym than going to the deepest places in your soul. Please keep making art for people like me, people who need the magic and imagination and honesty of great art to make the day-to-day world a little more bearable.
So to Pasqualino, Bear, Lauren, Chanel, incredible guy who performed "Fashion", CJ, Macy, Brandon, Setsuko, Marina, Erica, Jessica, Stephanie, Lory, Tim, Tituss, Sean, Kelly, and Kurt-- thank you. Thank you and keep going.
Daily Practice
Time: 30 mins
Description: I sang through some old recordings of tech classes and private lessons. Nothing fancy, I had squeeze in a quick practice in between dance class and the Japan benefit concert tonight!
Live Professional Performance
This morning I stood in line for rush tickets to How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, and we got $30 tickets to the show! Most people affectionately call it the Harry Potter show since it stars Daniel Radcliffe, and I'm pretty sure that's why most people come to see it. Nevertheless, it was a hilarious musical with fantastic singing and dancing. I've actually never seen or read anything Harry Potter related, so I got to take in Radcliffe from a completely fresh perspective, and I think he did a marvelous job!
Dance Class 15
Instructor: Hillen
Type: Pop Ballet
Description: I've never taken this class before even though I wanted to all year. It's a ballet class done to pop music. All the same technique and skills, but done to fun songs you hear on the radio. I think I might have to start a class like this when I move back to Texas!
Healthy Meals 44 and 45
You can probably guess by now...
Breakfast-- Kashi cereal
Lunch-- chicken salad
Final Week Challenge Stats Private Voice Lessons- 4/4 Coaching Sessions- 2/2 Live Vocal Performance- 1/1 NYC Industry Audition- 1/1 You Tube Demo Recording- 1/1 Charitable Deeds- 5/5 Healthy Meals- 25/25 (Personal Goal 45/50) Live Professional Performance- 1/1
Vocal Practice Sessions- 28/30
Daily Blogs- 28/30
BDC Dance Classes- 15/20
Daily Practice
Time: 1hr 30mins
Songs: Defying Gravity and Someone Like You
Description: I worked through Kurt's entire warm up CD, then I practiced some Meow's from previous private lessons. I think I had a mix voice breakthrough! I sang through both songs several times- completely on meow. Then I started mixing in the words, but continuing to meow through trouble spots. I felt like I finally had the right placement. My throat felt completely released, the high notes were easy, and my volume was insane- and I wasn't even trying to be loud! I'm going to find that theater belt if it kills me.
Dance Classes 13 and 14
Instructors: Heather Rigg and Chio
Type: Jazz and Jazz Funk
Description: Loved both classes! Heather's choreography is always fun and sassy, and Chio has a sweet groove that's fun if you can find it as well. I picked up the choreo in both classes which is always a great feeling-- still need to work on performance qualities though.
Healthy Meal 43
Lunch- Grilled chicken salad
----
Three more days!!! Look how close I am!!!
Final Week Challenge Stats Private Voice Lessons- 4/4 Coaching Sessions- 2/2 Live Vocal Performance- 1/1 NYC Industry Audition- 1/1 You Tube Demo Recording- 1/1 Charitable Deeds- 5/5 Healthy Meals- 25/25 (Personal Goal 43/50)
Vocal Practice Sessions- 27/30
Daily Blogs- 27/30
BDC Dance Classes- 14/20
Live Professional Performance- 0/1
Wow, so much has happened in the past 48 hours! I'm going to put all of the requirements at the top, and if you're interested, you can keep reading for more details.
Daily Practice
Time: 30 mins +
Songs: A Whole New World and Fallin' for You
Description: I went to Ripley Grier and went through some old recordings of tech class and private lessons. I practiced A Whole New World to get ready for the Disney audition. It felt good to sing full out and not worry about when my roommates were going to wake up or come home. I was able to perform the song 3 times without any cracks or mistakes, so I felt confident going into my audition.
Live Vocal Performance
Venue: Paddy Reilly's Open Mic
Song Performed: Fallin' for You
Disney's Cruise Line and Theme Parks
Song: A Whole New World
Charitable Deed 5
Job Application Assistance
Description: "Empower adults with barriers to employment as they search for jobs and apply for positions online at Employment Service Center- an organization designed to assist public assistance recipients in moving from welfare to employment."
Note: It would have been really inappropriate to take pictures in this environment, but here's the packet of employment websites we were given to help guide our job search.
Healthy Meals 41 and 42
Breakfast- Kashi cereal and Activia yogurt
Lunch- Grilled teriyaki chicken and steamed vegetables
-----
Here are some more details about the activities listed above:
Live Performance
So this was my first open mic, and I was completely freaked out. The bar, Paddy Reilly's, did not have a cover charge, but they did require a 2 drink minimum for performers. Perfect! I'll be honest, I used their drink mandate as an aid to help me relax before I took the stage. :) The performance went well. The crowd was extremely relaxed and welcoming. One girl playing an acoustic guitar told the audience that she had an intricate song that she hadn't put words to yet, and she had never played it in public before, but she just wanted to practice playing it in front of people. Everyone cheered loudly and encouraged her to do her thing. It was such a cool experience. No one was there to judge; it was just an inviting space for artists to practice performing and share their craft. I want to start going there every week-- there's no reason not to! Even if I haven't fully 'perfected' a song, it will still be great practice to get up on a stage every week, sing into a microphone, and get over my nerves.
NYC Industry Audition
Sylvia and I waiting to be seen!
I went to the open call for Disney's Cruise Line and Theme Parks; they were casting for princes and princesses. After warming up at Ripley Grier studios next door, I showed up to Pearl Studios at 9:30 to sign up for the 10:00 call. I was #138. I waited there for 3 hours when they said they were going to take a lunch break. I asked the assistant what time they were going to return from lunch, and he said 1:50pm. I went and grabbed lunch myself, and at 1:30 my friend texted me saying that they were calling my name and I was missing my turn. Awesome. So I ran through the streets of the city, knocking over wandering tourists and sprinting through flashing crosswalks. I told the auditioning monitor what happened, and she was kind enough to squeeze me into the front of the next group. I think it worked out perfectly because my mini crisis distracted me from my normal performance anxiety. I practically stepped off the elevator and went straight into my audition.
Erin and I... still waiting!
I personally think the audition went well... for me. I wasn't ultimately chosen to be a princess, but I sang the whole song without the 'shakes'. And I got into my character and stayed in it the whole time. I wasn't thinking about middle voice vs. mix voice, or when to breathe, or any other technical issue; I just performed. Finally! I came out of the room grinning; I'm sure people thought that I had gotten chosen, but it just felt so amazing to finally perform to the best of my ability, and not get overtaken by nerves (flashback to my a cappella audition disaster circa two weeks ago). Hooray for growth!
Demo Recording
Did I mention that I love him!
After my audition, I rushed to Brooklyn for my very first recording session. Ugh, I'm in love with Lane. There I said it. This man is a GENIUS! I wasn't sure how the whole process would work, and I was nervous that I was going to be so amateur compared to the artists that he's used to working with, but he made the experience painless... and actually quite enjoyable. Once he had the background track of my song in his computer, he took me to the recording booth. It was maybe twice the size of a phone booth. I couldn't see anything but the microphone in front of me, so I communicated to Lane through that mic and the headphones. I started by singing the song all the way through about 3 times. Then he let me listen to it, and we'd decide if we could use one of the 3 takes of if there was a line or two that I should just sing over again. He was so fast! I would re-sing a section, and within 2 seconds it was smoothly spliced into the original song. It was incredible. Anyways, I've never done anything like that before, and I'm so glad that I was pushed to do it through this challenge.
Charitable Deed
I don't want to bring the mood down, but I can't just brush over this. Most of charitable work that I did throughout the challenge was really encouraging, and got me excited about the progress that's being made in the city. Unfortunately I didn't reach the same level of euphoria with my final project. As stated before, the purpose of this project was to work with citizens on public assistance in helping them apply for jobs. We were told that we would be partnered up with a candidate and that our goal was to help him apply to at least 2 jobs during the hour or so that we were there.
I was paired with Mike (I won't use his real name, just for privacy purposes). I asked Mike to tell me about his work history so I knew what type of experience he had and what type of work we should look for. He said that he had experience doing electrical and construction work. He had worked in construction for the city of New York for the past 13 years, but he was fired for drinking on the job. He has a felony on his record which he has to report on most applications. I asked him how he felt about that, and he said that he wishes he could just talk to them face to face so he could own up to his mistakes, but also show that he's has learned from them and he's not the 'devil'. He said that when people just look at him on paper-- having a felony and being fired from his last job-- he's sure they just see him has the 'devil'. He actually used that term multiple times throughout my time there. It broke my heart.
We started looking at one of the career websites, but I quickly realized that Mike had limited computer skills. He typed with one finger, was clumsy with the mouse, and didn't know any of the basic short cuts that I had forgotten were even shortcuts. For example, instead of double-clicking on an icon on the desktop, he would click on it once, wait for the drop down menu to appear, then click 'Open'. During our time together, I taught him how to 'attach' a file, how to 'drag' the mouse, and how to 'copy' and 'paste'. He was so grateful and eager to learn new tricks.
But let's cut to the chase. Applying for jobs online is miserable enough in itself. There are times when I've spent an hour on Craigslist, and when I looked back at my Sent emails, I had applied to over 30 jobs at a time, and I was lucky if I heard back from 1. With Mike's limited computer skills, he was only applying to 2 jobs in the same amount of time! Furthermore, I could tell that he was getting discouraged reading some of the job descriptions. With over 25 years of experience, Mike is actually highly qualified for most of the construction jobs that we found, and he seemed extremely knowledgeable about all of the technical terms listed in the requirements, but a lot of companies are now asking for candidates to take certain courses and get officially certified in various specializations-- some of the courses lasting only 2 or 3 days; the problem is Mike can't afford these courses-- some of them as low as $60. And then of course you add the felony and substance abuse on his record, making him the 'devil' to his potential employers, and we have the perfect storm. The way I see it, it's only a matter of time before Mike gets fed up with the process-- he's doing everything right to try to get back on his feet-- but I just don't know how effective this current system is.
So I don't have solutions or closure, I'm just sharing my experience with you. I worry for Mike. I worry that if he doesn't get some sign of hope soon, he may just stop trying, and then where do you think he'll end up? He reminded me of some of the teenagers that I taught back in Houston. They worked SO HARD, but their grades still wouldn't budge. It was our job to keep them motivated and keep refining their skills until they reached the success they deserved. I only had about 2 hours with Mike, so I thought the best, most effective thing I could do during our time together, was fill him up with hope. I wanted him to know that as a 'professional', I believed in him. So I found everything that he was doing well, and repeatedly expressed my approval. I told him that his resume looked sharp, and I could tell that he put a lot of time in it. I pointed out that he has 5+ years in every job that he had listed which looks great to employers because they know he can stay in a job for an extended period of time. I highlighted the wording in his cover letter that really colored a positive picture of his character and work ethic. And I affirmed him in all the knowledge he was rattling off about electrical and construction techniques. I wanted him to know that he was more than qualified for all of these positions, so that when he does get an interview, he can walk in there with confidence about his abilities.
When our time was up, I could tell that I reached my goal. Mike thanked me profusely for teaching him the computer tricks, and more importantly for telling him how 'good' he was doing. He said that I really made him feel good about himself. I guess that's all I can ask for during a 2 hour meeting, but I left Mike personally feeling discouraged-- not understanding how two lives can inhabit the same environment and be so drastically different; so drastically unequal. What did I do to deserve the life that I have? I spend my days worrying about hitting the right notes at a Disney audition while people like Mike are living this other reality. It just doesn't seem right, and I don't know how to make it right...
-----
All in all, this has been an incredibly transforming 48 hours, and I continue to be thankful for the ways in which this silly little voice challenge is changing my life and shaping my character.
Daily Practice
Time: 30 mins
Songs: Falling for You
I warmed up to an old private session, and I ran through Falling for You a few times. The open mic night at Webster Hall was a bust last night. They were having a concert downstairs, but no one knew what 'open mic' I was talking about. So I got to carry all those bottled up nerves for another 24 hours. :(
I'm on my way to another place to perform-- I checked their website and called them, so it should be a go. I'll update the rest of my day when I get back, but I wanted to make sure I posted my daily practice just in case I didn't make it home before midnight.
Breakfast- Quaker cinnamon oatmeal 
Today I took my FIRST tap class in 12 years! It was really fun, and I was surprised how much of it came back to me so quickly. I didn't realize how physically demanding tap is. You think it should be easy because people are just moving their feet, but I was drenched with sweat. I also took ballet with the wonderful Beth Goheen. She always has great words of wisdom: today she told us to "always dance from your center". We often hear this term meaning, using your core or abdominal support to engage all of your movement. She touched on that concept, but she also revealed a dual meaning to the word to discuss the idea of dancing from within. Again we come back to this idea of story-telling. All of your movement should be an outward expression of something from inside of you, not just a string of shapes that you force upon your body.
