I'm out of town and away from my computer, so I'm typing this on my phone.
Daily Practice
Time: 45 mins
Description: I warmed up to the exercises I recorded during my private lesson- working specifically on building volume and mix.
Songs Practiced: Defying Gravity, Someone Like You, Falling for You
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Day 20
Today was a rockstar day!!! I was ridiculously inspired and I have lots to share, so watch out! I'll put the basics towards the top so that the judging panel can review this quickly. Everyone else wanting to know more about my life, pull up a chair and get comfy!
Daily Practice
Time: 1hour 30 mins (warm up with Kurt's exercises and attended Kurt's tech class)
Songs: Adele's Rolling in the Deep and Someone Like You
Coaching Session 1
Instuctor: Walter Thompson
Songs: Falling for You, A Whole New World, and You Can't Hurry Love
(Walter and I set up our 2nd session for Monday, so we'll take a picture with a 2/2 sign then)
Dance Class 11
Instructor: Beth Goheen
Type: Ballet
Charitable Deed 3
Title: Reading and Pajama Party
Description: Read children's books with economically disadvantaged children
Healthy Meals 34 and 35
Breakfast- cinnamon and spice oatmeal (switching it up a little bit!)
Dinner- salad: romaine lettuce, ground turkey, shredded cheese, poppyseed dressing
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Daily Practice
I started this morning by warming up with the exercises that I had recorded yesterday during my private lesson. These were the exercises Kurt taught me specifically to help me increase volume and incorporate more mix sound.
Later in the day I went to Voice Tech and Voice Performance with Kurt. In VT we worked on Rolling in the Deep and Someone Like You by Adele. Some notes that stuck out to me from her songs: 1) she allows her jaw to become like mush so that her phrases have a smooth, relaxed quality, 2) she sustains her breath over extremely long phrases- again adding to her smooth sound, and 3) she switches back and forth between mix and natural middle within the song to add variety to the song.
In VP I sang Falling for You. I was still pretty shaky, but I'm refusing to be hard on myself. Every time I go to class, stand up, and sing in front of a room full of people, I'm one step closer to where I want to be. I'm so far from where I was a year ago, and I'm just happy that I'm doing it!
As an exercise to help us with our performance, Kurt had us all stand in a line, and one by one we stepped out, faced the rest of the line and received an explosive round of applause and cheers from our classmates. Some people went shyly, barely making eye contact, just trying to get back in line as soon as possible. Others went out and took bows, pretending like they were receiving a standing ovation in a packed theater. After everyone went, Kurt pointed out our various responses and then talked about how it shows how some of us aren't even ready to receive applause. At a moment when we should feel the most relaxed and embraced, we're still apologizing for who we are and shying away from the attention. That made me realize that it's not about the singing at all. We think we're so afraid of singing in front people, but in reality, this disconnect is happening somewhere even deeper than the voice. Kurt went on to talk about our demeanor when we come into class. We tend to walk into class as an empty vessel, waiting to be filled with validation and instruction-- how did I sound?, how should I stand?, how should I act?, how should I sing?. Instead we need to start viewing ourselves as artists who have already made distinct choices about our voice, our character, and ultimately what we want to communicate to our audience. From there a coach can choose to agree or disagree with our choices, and give advice and tips on how he might do it differently. And from there, we can choose to make changes or modifications to our decisions, but the decision is ours, an whatever we do, we have to commit! The whole reason people choose to dance or sing is because we have a story we want to tell. We've got to stop waiting for someone to 'fix' us and instead start telling our stories! Clearly you can tell I was moved by his speech.
Coaching Session
Today I also had my very first coaching session which was AMAZING! I met with Walter who is the accompanist for Bettina's classes. He and I have a special relationship, as he was there the first day I ever attended a performance class. He watched me tremble and shake and he probably saw me tear up when I went to collect my music. I feel like we always have a special moment when I bring my music to the piano before I walk out to sing my songs-- kinda like he's my dad who sneaks into the curtain wings to wish me luck before I go on stage.
Anyways, he's a fabulous pianist, and he helped me with the technicalities of the music as well as giving me some ideas to accent the phrasing of the songs. It was the BEST hour that I've spent singing since I moved to New York. I wasn't looking at my music as quarter notes and rests, and head voice vs. middle voice, I was just singing. I felt so comfortable, and I really started to just have fun with it. When we switched to A Whole New World, I think he heard my voice get all weird, and I messed up the words in the first line. So he had me sit down at the bench with him and sing from behind the piano. It was the best I had EVER sung the song- he even said so himself. Something happened when I was not standing up, feeling as though I was about to audition-- my story was actually able to break through. I told him that I wish I could audition sitting at the piano... maybe I'll start my own theater company, and that's how we'll start auditions. Who knows, it might catch on. ;-)
Dance Class
I went to ballet with Goheen this morning, and I feel comfortable saying that I was on point... not on pointe... but on point. :) I just had a great day. I was focused on my work and on elongating and emoting. And for the first time ever-- literally in the 10 months since I've been taking Goheen-- I finally completed the entire petite allegro combination without losing the steps. I was extremely proud of myself!
Goheen also had an inspirational lecture. As we were going across the floor four at a time, a time when people tend to get nervous because everyone's watching you, she told us that we have to approach this time with the correct attitude. We should consider ourselves students wanting to learn more rather than students who should already know everything. This sounds a little contradictory to what we talked about in vocal performance class, but in this setting it makes sense. She said that once we take on the latter attitude, we create a mental wall that is difficult to dance through. Basically I interpreted it as the following: if we're going across the floor expecting to be perfect, then we're setting ourselves up for failure. But if we're going across aware that we are imperfect, then we'll take bigger risks and we wont be disappointed with our mistakes, we'll just learn from them, and apply those lessons our next pass across the floor. New quote: "Embracing imperfection leads to exploration and transformation." Go ahead... you have my permission... start posting that on your facebook walls. :)
Charitable Deed 3
Yesterday, I went to a Pajama Party. This program was set up after the founder was visiting a shelter and saw most of the kids putting themselves to bed-- no one to tuck them in or read to them. This broke her heart, and she started this program where volunteers come in and read to young kids. The organization has expanded, and they now serve beyond the borders of just shelters, including more neighborhood kids who are living below the poverty line.
I worked with a girl named Alicia. She didn't like to talk much, but she actually had great comprehension. We learned quickly that we weren't going to get very far with open ended questions, so we started reading a page to her and then ask her questions where she could just point to the answer, and she was always right. Sometimes we'd throw in a question that required a one word answer, and she'd whisper the correct answer to us. Can you point to the frog? Perfect! And where's the elephant? Excellent! Is he happy or sad? That's right!
It was fun watching her get into the stories and the pictures. And at the end of the reading session, the Pajama Party organization gave each child a new book and a pair of new pajamas! It's a very creative charity, and I love the way in which they've chosen to serve this demographic.
----
So like I said, I had wonderful day! I even stopped to grab a Backstage so I can see what new auditions are coming up. I hope that I will be able to use this momentum as I roll into the final 10 days of the challenge! If you made it this far, thanks for reading!
Daily Practice
Time: 1hour 30 mins (warm up with Kurt's exercises and attended Kurt's tech class)
Songs: Adele's Rolling in the Deep and Someone Like You
Coaching Session 1
Instuctor: Walter Thompson
Songs: Falling for You, A Whole New World, and You Can't Hurry Love
(Walter and I set up our 2nd session for Monday, so we'll take a picture with a 2/2 sign then)
Dance Class 11
Type: Ballet
Charitable Deed 3Title: Reading and Pajama Party
Description: Read children's books with economically disadvantaged children
Healthy Meals 34 and 35
Dinner- salad: romaine lettuce, ground turkey, shredded cheese, poppyseed dressing
----
Daily Practice
I started this morning by warming up with the exercises that I had recorded yesterday during my private lesson. These were the exercises Kurt taught me specifically to help me increase volume and incorporate more mix sound.
Later in the day I went to Voice Tech and Voice Performance with Kurt. In VT we worked on Rolling in the Deep and Someone Like You by Adele. Some notes that stuck out to me from her songs: 1) she allows her jaw to become like mush so that her phrases have a smooth, relaxed quality, 2) she sustains her breath over extremely long phrases- again adding to her smooth sound, and 3) she switches back and forth between mix and natural middle within the song to add variety to the song.
In VP I sang Falling for You. I was still pretty shaky, but I'm refusing to be hard on myself. Every time I go to class, stand up, and sing in front of a room full of people, I'm one step closer to where I want to be. I'm so far from where I was a year ago, and I'm just happy that I'm doing it!
As an exercise to help us with our performance, Kurt had us all stand in a line, and one by one we stepped out, faced the rest of the line and received an explosive round of applause and cheers from our classmates. Some people went shyly, barely making eye contact, just trying to get back in line as soon as possible. Others went out and took bows, pretending like they were receiving a standing ovation in a packed theater. After everyone went, Kurt pointed out our various responses and then talked about how it shows how some of us aren't even ready to receive applause. At a moment when we should feel the most relaxed and embraced, we're still apologizing for who we are and shying away from the attention. That made me realize that it's not about the singing at all. We think we're so afraid of singing in front people, but in reality, this disconnect is happening somewhere even deeper than the voice. Kurt went on to talk about our demeanor when we come into class. We tend to walk into class as an empty vessel, waiting to be filled with validation and instruction-- how did I sound?, how should I stand?, how should I act?, how should I sing?. Instead we need to start viewing ourselves as artists who have already made distinct choices about our voice, our character, and ultimately what we want to communicate to our audience. From there a coach can choose to agree or disagree with our choices, and give advice and tips on how he might do it differently. And from there, we can choose to make changes or modifications to our decisions, but the decision is ours, an whatever we do, we have to commit! The whole reason people choose to dance or sing is because we have a story we want to tell. We've got to stop waiting for someone to 'fix' us and instead start telling our stories! Clearly you can tell I was moved by his speech.
Coaching Session
Today I also had my very first coaching session which was AMAZING! I met with Walter who is the accompanist for Bettina's classes. He and I have a special relationship, as he was there the first day I ever attended a performance class. He watched me tremble and shake and he probably saw me tear up when I went to collect my music. I feel like we always have a special moment when I bring my music to the piano before I walk out to sing my songs-- kinda like he's my dad who sneaks into the curtain wings to wish me luck before I go on stage.
Anyways, he's a fabulous pianist, and he helped me with the technicalities of the music as well as giving me some ideas to accent the phrasing of the songs. It was the BEST hour that I've spent singing since I moved to New York. I wasn't looking at my music as quarter notes and rests, and head voice vs. middle voice, I was just singing. I felt so comfortable, and I really started to just have fun with it. When we switched to A Whole New World, I think he heard my voice get all weird, and I messed up the words in the first line. So he had me sit down at the bench with him and sing from behind the piano. It was the best I had EVER sung the song- he even said so himself. Something happened when I was not standing up, feeling as though I was about to audition-- my story was actually able to break through. I told him that I wish I could audition sitting at the piano... maybe I'll start my own theater company, and that's how we'll start auditions. Who knows, it might catch on. ;-)
Dance Class
Goheen also had an inspirational lecture. As we were going across the floor four at a time, a time when people tend to get nervous because everyone's watching you, she told us that we have to approach this time with the correct attitude. We should consider ourselves students wanting to learn more rather than students who should already know everything. This sounds a little contradictory to what we talked about in vocal performance class, but in this setting it makes sense. She said that once we take on the latter attitude, we create a mental wall that is difficult to dance through. Basically I interpreted it as the following: if we're going across the floor expecting to be perfect, then we're setting ourselves up for failure. But if we're going across aware that we are imperfect, then we'll take bigger risks and we wont be disappointed with our mistakes, we'll just learn from them, and apply those lessons our next pass across the floor. New quote: "Embracing imperfection leads to exploration and transformation." Go ahead... you have my permission... start posting that on your facebook walls. :)
Charitable Deed 3
It was fun watching her get into the stories and the pictures. And at the end of the reading session, the Pajama Party organization gave each child a new book and a pair of new pajamas! It's a very creative charity, and I love the way in which they've chosen to serve this demographic.
----
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Day 19
Daily Practice
1 hour +
I worked through the Daily Vocalizations CD for about 30 mins. Then I went to performance class and massacred Defying Gravity, but I'm not going to dwell on it... stand up, dust myself off, and jump back on the horse. I'll be back in performance class tomorrow. :) Afterwards I went home and practiced Falling for You, the song I want to sing for my demo. I finished out the day with my third private lesson with Kurt. He helped me work on my mixed voice and "wicked witch" cry to clean up Defying Gravity and make it sound more theatrical and less classical.
Healthy Meals 32 and 33
Breakfast- apple cinnamon oatmeal
Dinner- salad: romaine lettuce, ground turkey, shredded cheese, poppyseed dressing
Charitable Deed 2
Yesterday I went to PS 76 as a New York Cares volunteer. A group of 5 volunteers met with about 20 4th and 5th graders from 8:00am- 8:40am, before their school day started. Our purpose was to play math games with the students-- creating a fun environment to help them strengthen their math skills while having a good time. We started as a whole group playing "Buzz" with the numbers 3 and 5. If you've never played "Buzz" before, you should! Basically you go around in the circle counting in order starting with 1, 2, 3, and so on, but when you get to a number that is a multiple of 3 or 5, or has a 3 or 5 in it, you say "buzz". If you mess up, you are out and have to sit down. (Believe it or not, I actually played this game just a month ago while on Spring Break in Cancun. Yes my friends and I are dorks, and we got ridiculously excited in the middle of a hotel bar when we got all the way to 150.) After playing as a large group, we broke into smaller groups and played with math flash cards and board games. It was hard to keep the students focused; some of them acted like they didn't want to be playing, but it was always exciting when they would get an answer right, and their faces would light up when we praised them. Fun times. I love that this program exists because having been a high school teacher, I've seen first hand that if students don't fall in love with math at an early age, they face an uphill battle for many years to come.
I worked through the Daily Vocalizations CD for about 30 mins. Then I went to performance class and massacred Defying Gravity, but I'm not going to dwell on it... stand up, dust myself off, and jump back on the horse. I'll be back in performance class tomorrow. :) Afterwards I went home and practiced Falling for You, the song I want to sing for my demo. I finished out the day with my third private lesson with Kurt. He helped me work on my mixed voice and "wicked witch" cry to clean up Defying Gravity and make it sound more theatrical and less classical.
Healthy Meals 32 and 33
Breakfast- apple cinnamon oatmeal
Dinner- salad: romaine lettuce, ground turkey, shredded cheese, poppyseed dressing
Charitable Deed 2
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| So here's the outside of the school! |
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| Couldn't take pictures of the kids... |
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Day 18
Sorry I have to be quick tonight... lots to do and need to go to bed early!
Daily Practice
1 hour
I went to Kurt's Voice Tech class today. We worked on Rolling in the Deep by Adele. At the beginning of class, Kurt talked about not pulling too hard on the lip trills. He even stopped and demonstrated how quiet and soft our voices should be. I realized that I have been way too forceful, and it's part of why my throat is always hurting. The same realization occurred as we practiced the song today. He talked about how we start to strain so much once we add consonants to our singing. Instead our jaws should feel like mush or like we just came from the dentist. I started doing that today, and everything changed! I know I had heard this a ton of times, and I always thought I was doing it, but I obviously wasn't. Now I need to go back and re-train myself in all the songs that I like to sing. I started doing it today after class, and I had to stop at every other line-- recognizing what I've been doing and how it should feel now with the proper placement.
Healthy Meals 30 and 31
Lunch: Salad-- ground turkey, corn salsa, romaine lettuce, poppyseed dressing
Dinner: Wrap-- spinach tortilla, chicken breast, romaine lettuce, shredded cheese
Dance Class 10
Style: Ballet
Instructor: Goheen
Daily Practice
1 hour
I went to Kurt's Voice Tech class today. We worked on Rolling in the Deep by Adele. At the beginning of class, Kurt talked about not pulling too hard on the lip trills. He even stopped and demonstrated how quiet and soft our voices should be. I realized that I have been way too forceful, and it's part of why my throat is always hurting. The same realization occurred as we practiced the song today. He talked about how we start to strain so much once we add consonants to our singing. Instead our jaws should feel like mush or like we just came from the dentist. I started doing that today, and everything changed! I know I had heard this a ton of times, and I always thought I was doing it, but I obviously wasn't. Now I need to go back and re-train myself in all the songs that I like to sing. I started doing it today after class, and I had to stop at every other line-- recognizing what I've been doing and how it should feel now with the proper placement.
Healthy Meals 30 and 31
Lunch: Salad-- ground turkey, corn salsa, romaine lettuce, poppyseed dressing
Dinner: Wrap-- spinach tortilla, chicken breast, romaine lettuce, shredded cheese
Dance Class 10
Style: Ballet
Instructor: Goheen
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Day 17
Daily Practice
Approx. 2 hours
I warmed up to Kurt's DC for about 20 minutes. My throat was pulling on the lip trills and left me sore for the rest of the warm up. I have to figure out what I'm doing wrong! I also practiced with my praise and worship band for an hour and a half.
Healthy Meal 28 and 29
Breakfast- Kashi cereal
Lunch- Leafy green salad, 1/2 chicken breast, sweet cherries
Dance Class 9
Finally stepped out of my Goheen ballet bubble, and got my butt kicked by Stavro. :) It actually wasn't that bad, I just need to go a few more times to get used to her patterns. One thing I loved about her center combinations were that they were rather dynamic and left a lot of room for working on expression throughout the body. In other words, it wasn't just a tendu exercise, then a pirouette exercise, then a developpe exercise; instead, it combined several of those elements at once-- more similar to what you would see in a staged performance.
Approx. 2 hours
I warmed up to Kurt's DC for about 20 minutes. My throat was pulling on the lip trills and left me sore for the rest of the warm up. I have to figure out what I'm doing wrong! I also practiced with my praise and worship band for an hour and a half.
Healthy Meal 28 and 29
Breakfast- Kashi cereal
Lunch- Leafy green salad, 1/2 chicken breast, sweet cherries
Dance Class 9
Monday, May 16, 2011
Day 16
Daily Practice
2 hours
I went to Bettina's tech class and then stayed for her performance class. In performance class I worked on A Whole New World to get ready for my industry audition tomorrow. I also performed the first verse of Defying Gravity for the first time.
Notes: Bettina told me that my character for AWNW was too "sweet". Although it's a pretty song, I need to find a way to fight against the sweetness of the piano and bring a more exciting character to the performance. When I did DG, she said she saw more of that aggressive character that she was looking for, and she wants me to apply that to my first song.
In class I sat next to a girl who was an incredible singer, and she said she just started getting formal training a week ago. I told her that her mix voice was beautiful, and I couldn't believe she didn't have any training. She said that she used to practice the "quack" sound every day, and she would even sing whole songs on the word "quack" to help her work on her mask resonance.
So to finish up my practice for the day, I came home and sang through several songs using the "meow" sound and then switching to the words and still exaggerating the cheekbone placement. I'm trying to add more songs to my practice circle, so I started playing with Hopelessly Devoted, You Can't Hurry Love, and Save the Best for Last.
Healthy Meal 27
Tuna salad
Charitable Deed 1
After recently retiring from my 8-month stint with waiting tables, I woke up at 4:30am this morning to return to the food service industry-- but this time with joy and excitement in my heart. For many years, I've struggled with a desire to serve people who are homeless and hungry, but always having a different excuse for not getting involved. Today was a first step as I went to St. Bartholomew's Church to serve a warm breakfast to anyone who chose to come. What I loved about the church was that they had us set up 36 place settings, and allowed men and women to come in and sit for as long as they wanted. Once someone left, a new person was welcomed in to have a seat. No one was rushed, and seconds and thirds were given upon request. Ladies walked around the room with carafes offering more apple juice and hot coffee, and as our guests left, they were encouraged to take baggies with tuna sandwiches and cereal bars with them for later in the day. And if they wanted extra sandwiches, all they had to do was ask. I couldn't get over how laissez-faire the whole process seemed to be. I suppose I was expecting people to be herded through a line and scolded for asking for more than their fair share-- as if they should simply be grateful that we were doing this great service for them... but perhaps I was projecting those expectations from the darkness in my heart...
I just couldn't understand how everyone was going to be served endlessly without us running out of food, but to my great surprise, we had leftovers by the end of the meal, and we were trying to give extra food away! And as always is the case in these situations, I walked away humbled and enlightened...
Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here." [Jesus] replied, "You give them something to eat." They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish." (About five thousand men were there.) But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each." The disciples did so, and everybody sat down. Taking the five loaves and two fish and looking up to the heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. Luke 9:12-17
2 hours
I went to Bettina's tech class and then stayed for her performance class. In performance class I worked on A Whole New World to get ready for my industry audition tomorrow. I also performed the first verse of Defying Gravity for the first time.
Notes: Bettina told me that my character for AWNW was too "sweet". Although it's a pretty song, I need to find a way to fight against the sweetness of the piano and bring a more exciting character to the performance. When I did DG, she said she saw more of that aggressive character that she was looking for, and she wants me to apply that to my first song.
In class I sat next to a girl who was an incredible singer, and she said she just started getting formal training a week ago. I told her that her mix voice was beautiful, and I couldn't believe she didn't have any training. She said that she used to practice the "quack" sound every day, and she would even sing whole songs on the word "quack" to help her work on her mask resonance.
So to finish up my practice for the day, I came home and sang through several songs using the "meow" sound and then switching to the words and still exaggerating the cheekbone placement. I'm trying to add more songs to my practice circle, so I started playing with Hopelessly Devoted, You Can't Hurry Love, and Save the Best for Last.
Healthy Meal 27
Tuna salad
Charitable Deed 1
I just couldn't understand how everyone was going to be served endlessly without us running out of food, but to my great surprise, we had leftovers by the end of the meal, and we were trying to give extra food away! And as always is the case in these situations, I walked away humbled and enlightened...
Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here." [Jesus] replied, "You give them something to eat." They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish." (About five thousand men were there.) But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each." The disciples did so, and everybody sat down. Taking the five loaves and two fish and looking up to the heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. Luke 9:12-17
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Day 15
Daily Practice
30 mins
I warmed up to some recordings of Misa's tech class and also a warm up CD by Ellen Johnson. I also practiced "Someone Like You" for the audition I had this afternoon.
Week 2 Challenge Stats- HALFWAY POINT!
Vocal Practice Sessions- 15/30
Private Voice Lessons- 2/4
Coaching Sessions- 0/2
Live Vocal Performance- 0/1
Live Professional Performance- 0/1
Live NYC Audition- 0/1
You Tube Demo Recording- 0/1
BDC Dance Classes- 8/20
Healthy Meals- 26/25
Charitable Deeds- 0/5
Daily Blogs- 15/30
----
On the 6
In E! True Hollywood's Story of Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer talks about her fight to the top-- growing up in the Bronx and riding the 6 train to Manhattan every day to go to auditions. Insert: Don't be fooled by the rocks that she's got, she's still, she's still Jenny from the block. Well today I rode the 6- from Manhattan to the Bronx, transferred to a local bus, and then walked half a mile in the rain. My hope was that this treacherous journey would be part of my beautiful 'fight to the top' story. So after 1.5 hours of transit, I was ready for my very first singing audition.
To set the scene, I was asked to sing on a stage in front of the auditioning panel and in front of the other candidates auditioning. Oh ya, and I had to sing a cappella. Ohhhh ya, and I was videotaped. Awesome.
Needless to say, I was ridiculously nervous and my voice was really shaky. After I finished, the director said that I was really good, but he wanted me to sing again. He told me to take a deep breath, ignore the video camera, and just try to relax. So I took a few deep breaths and started again, this time just from the chorus. No dice. Just more tremors and trembles. Soooooo frustrating!
Anyways, I went back to my seat, teared up a little bit (being careful not to let anyone see and more importantly not to ruin my audition makeup), and I secretly swore off all singing and dancing for the rest of my life. I decided that my years of training equipped me to appreciate the art and be the number one fan of all things musical and movement based, but I never again wanted to feel the way I was feeling in that moment-- embarrassed, crushed, and devastated. I was tempted to pack up my stuff and go home, but I didn't want to be a 'quitter'. I know, I know, the irony of it all. So I stuck it out, and we did a hip hop routine to the Beib's-- obviously someone in that room knew the secret to my broken heart. They also had us perform a jazz routine, freestyle, and tricks across the floor. I was definitely more in my element, and overall I was pleased with my dance performance.
Here were observations and takeaways from the day:
1. I'm really dramatic.
2. Now, where I am at this stage in my life, I'm realizing that this fight has become less about 'making it' and more about conquering the fear. I could go to 50 auditions, back-to-back, not be selected for a single show, and be completely content... if I knew that I did my best. The problem is, I never feel like I've given my best performance at audition. No one has ever heard or seen the real me perform; it's always the fear-ridden me. I don't want that to be my story. So that's what I'm fighting for in my final months in NYC- the ability to share my training, and passion, and artistry without being overshadowed by the dark clouds of insecurity.
3. Which leads me to my final lesson of the day. I have to stop waiting for others to believe in me; I have to believe in myself first. Today when the choreographers had us do technique across the floor, I tensed up for a second, then I realized I was totally fine-- I did a double pirouette into an axle into a grand jete. In the jazz dance, we had to do a triple outside coupe turn, a hinged fan kick, and a tilt kick. At one point in my dance training, those things were all foreign and 'impossible' to me, but today it actually calmed me because I knew it was there. By 'there' I mean, it was in my body; I didn't have to think about, it was just muscle memory. My body knew when to plie, when to spot, how much momentum to give, where to place my hands-- it just happened. I was able to stop thinking, and just trust. It's like when I went back to Texas after not driving a car for 4 months, for a second I wondered if I was still going to know how to drive, but once I started the car, I realized how silly that notion was-- of course I remembered how to drive! So now I have to learn those same muscles with my voice. I'm sure that one day I will be able to get to a point where the technique is all there, and I just have to access it. And when I'm nervous, it won't matter because I'll feel confident in my training, and I'll trust my body to just do. But as I work towards that point, I have to believe in what I already have. I can't keep approaching every singing situation with timidity, waiting for reassurance, and then continuing on. If I keep building those patterns, I will always end up in a state of failure-- where my first pass at a performance, I'm shaky and nervous waiting for someone to affirm me before I can really give it my all. Furthermore the art of it all is lost, as the performance becomes more about the approval than about the expression, and that, more than anything, is the tragedy.
So with that, I'm re-committed and re-inspired to take on Week 3-- more tech classes, more performance classes, more private lessons, more practice sessions, more auditions-- bring it on.
Where there is fear, there is not true art, and where there is true art, you will find no fear.
30 mins
I warmed up to some recordings of Misa's tech class and also a warm up CD by Ellen Johnson. I also practiced "Someone Like You" for the audition I had this afternoon.
Week 2 Challenge Stats- HALFWAY POINT!
Vocal Practice Sessions- 15/30
Private Voice Lessons- 2/4
Coaching Sessions- 0/2
Live Vocal Performance- 0/1
Live Professional Performance- 0/1
Live NYC Audition- 0/1
You Tube Demo Recording- 0/1
BDC Dance Classes- 8/20
Charitable Deeds- 0/5
Daily Blogs- 15/30
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On the 6
In E! True Hollywood's Story of Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer talks about her fight to the top-- growing up in the Bronx and riding the 6 train to Manhattan every day to go to auditions. Insert: Don't be fooled by the rocks that she's got, she's still, she's still Jenny from the block. Well today I rode the 6- from Manhattan to the Bronx, transferred to a local bus, and then walked half a mile in the rain. My hope was that this treacherous journey would be part of my beautiful 'fight to the top' story. So after 1.5 hours of transit, I was ready for my very first singing audition.
To set the scene, I was asked to sing on a stage in front of the auditioning panel and in front of the other candidates auditioning. Oh ya, and I had to sing a cappella. Ohhhh ya, and I was videotaped. Awesome.
Needless to say, I was ridiculously nervous and my voice was really shaky. After I finished, the director said that I was really good, but he wanted me to sing again. He told me to take a deep breath, ignore the video camera, and just try to relax. So I took a few deep breaths and started again, this time just from the chorus. No dice. Just more tremors and trembles. Soooooo frustrating!
Anyways, I went back to my seat, teared up a little bit (being careful not to let anyone see and more importantly not to ruin my audition makeup), and I secretly swore off all singing and dancing for the rest of my life. I decided that my years of training equipped me to appreciate the art and be the number one fan of all things musical and movement based, but I never again wanted to feel the way I was feeling in that moment-- embarrassed, crushed, and devastated. I was tempted to pack up my stuff and go home, but I didn't want to be a 'quitter'. I know, I know, the irony of it all. So I stuck it out, and we did a hip hop routine to the Beib's-- obviously someone in that room knew the secret to my broken heart. They also had us perform a jazz routine, freestyle, and tricks across the floor. I was definitely more in my element, and overall I was pleased with my dance performance.
Here were observations and takeaways from the day:
1. I'm really dramatic.
2. Now, where I am at this stage in my life, I'm realizing that this fight has become less about 'making it' and more about conquering the fear. I could go to 50 auditions, back-to-back, not be selected for a single show, and be completely content... if I knew that I did my best. The problem is, I never feel like I've given my best performance at audition. No one has ever heard or seen the real me perform; it's always the fear-ridden me. I don't want that to be my story. So that's what I'm fighting for in my final months in NYC- the ability to share my training, and passion, and artistry without being overshadowed by the dark clouds of insecurity.
3. Which leads me to my final lesson of the day. I have to stop waiting for others to believe in me; I have to believe in myself first. Today when the choreographers had us do technique across the floor, I tensed up for a second, then I realized I was totally fine-- I did a double pirouette into an axle into a grand jete. In the jazz dance, we had to do a triple outside coupe turn, a hinged fan kick, and a tilt kick. At one point in my dance training, those things were all foreign and 'impossible' to me, but today it actually calmed me because I knew it was there. By 'there' I mean, it was in my body; I didn't have to think about, it was just muscle memory. My body knew when to plie, when to spot, how much momentum to give, where to place my hands-- it just happened. I was able to stop thinking, and just trust. It's like when I went back to Texas after not driving a car for 4 months, for a second I wondered if I was still going to know how to drive, but once I started the car, I realized how silly that notion was-- of course I remembered how to drive! So now I have to learn those same muscles with my voice. I'm sure that one day I will be able to get to a point where the technique is all there, and I just have to access it. And when I'm nervous, it won't matter because I'll feel confident in my training, and I'll trust my body to just do. But as I work towards that point, I have to believe in what I already have. I can't keep approaching every singing situation with timidity, waiting for reassurance, and then continuing on. If I keep building those patterns, I will always end up in a state of failure-- where my first pass at a performance, I'm shaky and nervous waiting for someone to affirm me before I can really give it my all. Furthermore the art of it all is lost, as the performance becomes more about the approval than about the expression, and that, more than anything, is the tragedy.
So with that, I'm re-committed and re-inspired to take on Week 3-- more tech classes, more performance classes, more private lessons, more practice sessions, more auditions-- bring it on.
Where there is fear, there is not true art, and where there is true art, you will find no fear.
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